I hate it when I …
… mop the floor. It makes it rain.
… do everything on my To-do list. It sets my expectations unreasonably high.
… stare into the bathroom mirror and try to cut my own hair. It’s much easier to do it with my eyes closed (and the end result is much the same).
… remember to write all my appointments on the calendar. It makes my weeks so busy.
… watch the news. (That’s it. No punch line.)
… sweep the floor. It encourages the dogs to shed.
… empty the laundry basket. It just fills up again. With socks. Without mates.
… take on a minor household repair when we are out of Band Aids.
… get blood, bleach, paint or grease on a new shirt (which is why I have no new shirts).
… weed the garden. Because apparently those were okra seedlings. (I’m just kidding, honey. Really. Almost is not doing.)
… feed the birds on the back deck. The squirrels run off the cardinals and my dog has a conniption fit and tries to fling himself through the sliding glass door.
30 years and I still can’t get enough of the best monster shark story ever told.
… turn on the TV and find Jaws is on because I will have to watch it for the 46th time.
… spend too much time on the computer puttering around on a silly social-networking site like Facebook. It takes too much time away from my blog.
… successfully resist the urge to buy chocolate at the grocery store. Because 20 minutes after I get home, I will be thinking this: What was I thinking?! Studies have proven that chocolate has a delightful euphoric effect on the female brain. Or something like that! I’m pretty sure! I don’t want to be skinny. I want to be euphoric!
I have much to do today and it’s all important so I think I’m going to have to go rent Jaws and buy some chocolate instead.
FeyGirl
/ May 30, 2012Heeeeh! That was fun, thanks for the belly-laugh. Later today, I’ll be heading to our local chocolatiers as well — so thanks for that.
Fork in My Eye
/ June 1, 2012Glad I could help start off your day with a laugh.
creativityorcrazy
/ May 30, 2012Love the list…think my favorite was doing minor repairs when out of band aids. Good laugh for the day.
Fork in My Eye
/ June 1, 2012I bleed every time I try to fix something. If we’re out of Band Aids, I’ve been known to make due with tissues and Scotch tape but it’s a little awkward if I’m trying to bandage one hand with the other.
Paul J. Stam
/ May 30, 2012Ah, yes, with those kind or words I can bravely face yesterday and with clear conscience ignore tomorrow. Thanks for the laughs. ;~}
Fork in My Eye
/ June 1, 2012Thanks, Paul!
Barbara Backer-Gray
/ May 30, 2012Love this. I think I’m going to have to make a similar list.
Fork in My Eye
/ June 1, 2012I’d love to see your list!
Anita S
/ May 30, 2012LOL Lots of Laughter! I like your perspective.
Fork in My Eye
/ June 2, 2012Thank you!
SimplySage
/ May 30, 2012Definitely a LOL moment here!
Peace and laughter,
Alexandria
Fork in My Eye
/ June 1, 2012Thanks! Glad I could make you giggle.
Kathryn McCullough
/ May 30, 2012Love the one about trying to make minor household repairs when you are out of bandaids. That is my LIFE, Tori. I swear!
Hugs,
Kathy
Fork in My Eye
/ June 1, 2012Fortunately, I have not yet required stitches. Heh heh. Do you also bleed regularly when you attmpt to fix things? Sometimes I think I should just keep a first aid kit in my tool box.
Leslie
/ May 30, 2012Yes! Another person who gets nothing done when Jaws is on, I’m not the only one! That movie is amazing
Fork in My Eye
/ June 1, 2012Yes! It’s one of my all time favorites.
Finally... Wendy Wanders
/ May 30, 2012Tomorrow’s another day. Grab the video and the chocolate and settle in
Jaws is one of my all time faves too. But I swear till this day I will NOT go into the ocean past my knees (yes… seriously) and never never never at night!!!
Fork in My Eye
/ June 1, 2012I thought that too but last year, we actually went swimming with the kids in the ocean at night (with glow sticks) and it was really fun. Though something brushed my leg once and I almost screamed.
lightlycrunchy
/ May 30, 2012Love your list – mine would be very similar.
Fork in My Eye
/ June 1, 2012It kind of comes with having a home and kids to look after doesn’t it?
muddledmom
/ May 30, 2012That’s why there is always a stash of chocolate chips in the pantry. And the day that I mop is always the day someone spills their milk at dinner.
Fork in My Eye
/ June 1, 2012I have no restraint so cannot keep chocolate in the house. If I know it’s there, I eat it immediately. And yes, I’ve also found that mopping causes spills. (I think there are special laws of physics that apply in a household and this is one of them.)
Marianne
/ May 31, 2012…. finish the dishes, dry and put them all away and when you are emptying the bowl you always find that teaspoon still lurking in the water. Why do they do that?
Fork in My Eye
/ June 1, 2012Perhaps, spoons, unlike forks, are devilishly clever.
Sandy Sue
/ May 31, 2012Yes! Especially about sloppage on shirts (happens the *moment* I put on a clean one). But, I’m the polar opposite about “Jaws.” That movie scared the bejezzus out of me. Never ever ever will I go on a cruise.
Fork in My Eye
/ June 1, 2012It scared me too! That’s why I love it. Never been on a cruise either but i think the people on board would scare me more than the sharks in the water. (I’m not a social butterfly. The idea of being trapped on a vessel with that many strangers makes me want to stick a fork in…well, you know.) I bought a new t-shirt yesterday. I have not worn it yet because I wanted to have it more than a day before I ruined it.
Sherrie stringer
/ May 31, 2012I love this…you are so dang funny. Have a good day my friend.
Sherrie
Fork in My Eye
/ June 1, 2012Hi Coppertop! I love it when you stop by!
kentiki
/ June 1, 2012Excellent, as usual. Mine is wearing khaki and spilling coffee on it. Guaranteed.
Fork in My Eye
/ June 2, 2012Yet you keep trying, right? When I was going to school in Texas in the ninties, I had a 20 mile commute each morning to UT campus, often through rush hour traffic. I drank coffee in the car on the way into town (since there was no way I was facing that traffic without it). It seemed like I was constantly managing to spill some on myself – especially if I was wearing a white shirt. I tried every kind of travel mug I could find but finally just gave up and started carrying an extra shirt in my backpack.
kentiki
/ June 2, 2012Yes! And every travel mug I have SUX that way. That is a guaranteed spill for me, even standing still! Just snapping open the little cover sprays coffee on me.
beebeesworld
/ June 1, 2012Great, as usual!
TimCC
/ June 5, 2012Oh my…..you’re so right. I have a big smile on my face.