I hate it when I …
… mop the floor. It makes it rain.
… do everything on my To-do list. It sets my expectations unreasonably high.
… stare into the bathroom mirror and try to cut my own hair. It’s much easier to do it with my eyes closed (and the end result is much the same).
… remember to write all my appointments on the calendar. It makes my weeks so busy.
… watch the news. (That’s it. No punch line.)
… sweep the floor. It encourages the dogs to shed.
… empty the laundry basket. It just fills up again. With socks. Without mates.
… take on a minor household repair when we are out of Band Aids.
… get blood, bleach, paint or grease on a new shirt (which is why I have no new shirts).
… weed the garden. Because apparently those were okra seedlings. (I’m just kidding, honey. Really. Almost is not doing.)
… feed the birds on the back deck. The squirrels run off the cardinals and my dog has a conniption fit and tries to fling himself through the sliding glass door.
… turn on the TV and find Jaws is on because I will have to watch it for the 46th time.
… spend too much time on the computer puttering around on a silly social-networking site like Facebook. It takes too much time away from my blog.
… successfully resist the urge to buy chocolate at the grocery store. Because 20 minutes after I get home, I will be thinking this: What was I thinking?! Studies have proven that chocolate has a delightful euphoric effect on the female brain. Or something like that! I’m pretty sure! I don’t want to be skinny. I want to be euphoric!
I have much to do today and it’s all important so I think I’m going to have to go rent Jaws and buy some chocolate instead.