The only good waiting room is an empty one.
I am constitutionally disinclined to wait gracefully. Four of my least favorite adjectives describe why. Waiting is most often passive, public, unpredictable and confined meaning I will be confined to a prescribed area with strangers for an undetermined amount of time during which I will have a very limited range of sessile activities to choose from to pass the time. This makes me batty.
But when you have a family to care for, waiting rooms become an unavoidable evil. Kids have to go to doctors and dentists. Pets have to go to the vet. And, as was the case yesterday, cars have to get serviced. After years of practice, I can usually deal with most waiting rooms now with a travel cup of coffee and a book. Sometimes, though, extremer measures are called for.
How to pass the time in waiting rooms:
1- Stare surreptitiously at the person sitting in a more desirable spot until they get the telepathic message and relinquish the seat. (Doesn’t work, but worth a try.)
2- Count the people who are playing with phones, laptops or tablets and compare it to the number of people who are reading books or magazines.
3- Glare at the rude guy talking loudly on his cell phone until the device bursts into flames. (Doesn’t work either, but I keep hoping.)
4- Try not to think about how many people have, are or will invade your personal space before the waiting is over.
5- Try not to think about how many people have occupied the chair you currently inhabit and what communicable diseases they may have carried.
6- Read the book you brought. If concentration is difficult, pretend to read it so you won’t look like some goober staring off into space.
7- Stare off into space (until you realize that that “space” is occupied by a person who is glaring at you for staring at them).
8- Go outside and try to find someplace to pace or loiter unobtrusively at the edge of the parking lot. Go back inside when someone comes out, stands nearby, and lights a cigarette. Cough as you walk by them.
9- Count the people wearing glasses. Calculate ratio of the total. Count the women with short hair. Calculate ratio.
10- Glare at the woman talking loudly on her cell phone but do it surreptitiously because she is old enough to be your grandmother and deserves courtesy even if she is an annoying nit.
11- Wonder how many people are left in the world who are old enough to be your grandparent and how quickly that number is dwindling. Try to calm down after that thought freaks you out a little.
12- Wonder what on earth could be taking so long. Drum your fingers. Stop drumming your fingers because that annoys people. Realize you are grinding your teeth. Try to stop.
13- Count the people sleeping.
14- If you are in the waiting room of a pediatric practice, stare at the fish tank. Count the orange fish. If there’s not a fish tank, spend a few moments wishing there was.
15- Repeatedly pick up your travel mug to make sure it’s still empty. Sigh loudly when you find that it is. Slump in your seat.
16- Open your book and stare at it.
17- Repeat these steps for the length of your wait. Good luck.
Happily, I managed to break my pattern yesterday. I did actually go through all these steps for the first half hour. Except the book. I purposely didn’t bring a book to read this time. I brought a notebook. And after that first half hour, I wrote it all down. That killed another half hour and made my hand hurt. But I felt slightly productive and even enjoyed myself a bit. So I wrote some more. I call that a success.
Your turn. Does waiting make you nuts or do enjoy the downtime? What do you do to pass the time? Do you have Asperger’s, social anxiety or another condition that makes waiting or standing in line (ugh) problematic for you? What do you do about it?
cravesadventure
/ February 1, 2013I do not mind waiting rooms – the wiaitng for test results is what makes me a little nutso at times. That big box store that starts with a C drives me crazy upon checkout – at least 4 deep if not 10 to 12 deep waiting to checkout. I just try to be patient and wait my turn:) Happy Friday!
Evolution of X
/ February 3, 2013I agree, the big C’s checkout line is intimidating. I only go there with my partner. Helps to have some to talk to while you wait.
Elyse
/ February 1, 2013I spend way too much time in the waiting rooms these days. My iPhone allows me to keep up on blog reading which is most relaxing…and i don’t have to focus on the story of my book because i can’t concentrate on a book in a waiting room.
I’m also one of the ones who will try to chat you up in a waiting room. Sorry.
Evolution of X
/ February 3, 2013Heh heh. I have to admit I do get uncomfortable when strangers try to talk to me. But I do actually enjoy it sometimes, and I’ve found that if I just keep asking questions and listen, I don’t actually have to talk back much.
I spend a lot of time in waiting rooms at doctor’s offices too. I really hate those. The Toyota dealership (where we get our cars serviced) was a vacation by comparison.
Charles Gallagher
/ February 1, 2013I would read while waiting for a plane. If the wait was going to be long then I would g o to an empty gate with no people.
Evolution of X
/ February 3, 2013Hi Daddy! I can’t even imagine what it would be like to spend as much time as you have in airports. Have you even counted the airports you’ve waited in? What was your longest wait? I travel by air as infrequently as possible but the times I have spent in airports made an impression. I spent half a night in the Atlanta airport once and was actually okay people-watching and reading until I got sleepy. I really didn’t want to nod off in public so the rest of the night was an agony of swilling coffee and trying to stay conscious.
That was nothing though, compared to the actual plane rides. That’s my nightmare scenario. You’re completely trapped with no chance of escape until you land. There’s usually a stranger sitting so close, I can smell them and I spend the whole time trying to fit in too small a space and trying not to cough. I do really like looking at the clouds from the top side, though.
Charles Gallagher
/ February 3, 2013Flying to Portland Maine one time on a small commuter plane. terribly cold. The flight attendant had met us at the plane door wearing an enormous pair of heavy winter glovges. I do not think she was joking. Arrived in the vicinity of Portland; started circling; then turned around; conditions not good enough to land. Boston also closed so we ended up in Newark. Gave us passes for supper and breakfast, and bussed us to hotel. The hotel was surrounded by a large chain link fense with an electronic gate; it was closed because of the hour. Took the bus driver a few minutes to convince them to let us in. They had already closed down supper so we ate whatever was in the machines. We were called at zero dark 30 and had to depart before the hotel was open for breakfast. This was not the first or only time I was stranded and had to stay overnight but I remember it as perhaps the most interesting.
Sandy Sue
/ February 2, 2013Because my car windows were frozen shut yesterday, I had to go into the bank instead of use the drive-up. Four tellers and four people in line and it still took 20 minutes—and of course I was in a hurry, and irritated about my frozen car. But after fuming for a few minutes, I remembered to breathe. The act of taking a deep breath into my belly settled everything down.
Evolution of X
/ February 3, 2013Ooo, I really hate standing in line and think the drive through at the bank is the best thing since sliced bread. I would say frozen windows are a good argument for living in southern climes. (My partner and I have a running argument about climate. She likes cold weather and frozen precipitation. I like long sunny summer days.)
I think learning to breathe is probably a key to my dealing effectively with anxiety in any situation. I have an old friend who has panic attacks who has been telling me that for years. Unfortunately, I have a mystery chronic cough that keeps me from breathing normally most of the time. And ironically, because of the cough, I have spent enormous amounts of time in doctors’ waiting rooms the last few years. But I’m still a medical mystery. I have made some fledgling attempts at yoga and am becoming convinced that if I can learn to undo some of the physical tension and relax my breathing, I could at least mitigate the cough some. Going to try.
Barbara Backer-Gray
/ February 2, 2013Since I have kids who have to be driven around, and yes, to doctors and emergency rooms, I have become very good at always having a book with me, or a New York Times Sunday Crossword Puzzle book (it’s permanently in my car), or my laptop. And Iif I have none of those, there’s always my phone. I have several news apps, and I check my email and facebook, and sometimes I just log on to my blog to see how cute-cute-cute it looks on such a tiny screen.
Evolution of X
/ February 3, 2013Oh, I bet it does look cute so tiny! I don’t have a smart phone yet. I have to grouse and grumble about new technology for a few years before I accept it. I knew you were a crossword kind of girl! I bet you can complete those NY Times Sunday killers too. I can’t finish them.
Barbara Backer-Gray
/ February 3, 2013Every now and then I manage to finish one. The daily ones are a lot easier. I finish about four out of five of those, so they’re not as much fun.
ettis
/ February 2, 2013For wings, I wait with a book. For car service, a newspaper. For food to-go, my smartphone. At the store, down at the groceries.
FeyGirl
/ February 4, 2013Heh, fantastically funny….
Munira
/ February 5, 2013Oh waiting makes me very edgy, can’t stand it. I don’t know how people can stand in queues for things like movie tickets or amusement park rides…I refuse to do it….walk away, walk away…..!
The worst moments in my life have been when I have had to wait for intravenous drips to get done with. I thought I’d go mad or die, and had to fight a crazy urge to yank it out and run for the door! Longest 45 minutes of my life.
35andupcynicismonhold
/ February 7, 2013haha, this is a very clever and funny list. one gets through the lines somehow, through the years, hehe. hi, Tori…